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Hi There!

Discussion in 'introductions' started by Conquer Tsar, Sep 9, 2017.

  1. Conquer Tsar

    Conquer Tsar New Member

    Hello, my name is CT and I enjoy giving myself a saline drip I.V. into my scrotum because my penis is malnourished.

    Other activities include but not limited to:

    Spiking my alcoholic beverages with Rohypnol while sleep walking. I've found it quite difficult keeping my hands off of myself. Smashing my face into wooden cylindrical objects on a bi-monthly basis to keep current on the perspective of bowling balls.

    Ingesting medium quantities of Strychnine, Asbestos, Silica sand and Thallium mixed in a shot glass with liquefied Zyklon B, that's given to me by a 6'7 Jewish man named Vilhem Von Klassen-burg, who likes to be called Amelia Earhart.

    Being periodically tasered by random law enforcement agencies from around the world....among other things.

    I'm currently a homeless magician living in a Mansion, living off noodles, butter, olive oil and Nehi Peach Soda.

    Thank you for taking the time to learn a little bit about me and I hope to talk with you very soon.

    Warm regards,

    — CT


    You ever see those infomercials on vacuum-sealing food? You know, those ones you watch at 2:45 in the morning, naked and eating an entire box of Little Debbie Swiss rolls? Not because you particularly like them, and you'd rather have some cosmic brownies but because it's the only thing available in the house and you don't want to get up and drive 5.8 miles to the truck stop next to the Interstate to grab BAR-B-Q Fritos, Cinnamon rolls and a Slurpee because that prostitute Candy Jenkins is always asking you for $7 dollars and you have to roll whatever loose change you have in your pocket in the opposite direction to make her chase after it so you can make a getaway?

    Yeah, me too, ALL the time.

    Just checking.

  2. Snowman

    Snowman Your Host

    Hello CT and welcome to the forum. Very creative intro! Are you a writer?
  3. Conquer Tsar

    Conquer Tsar New Member

    Thank you for the welcome and I am glad to see that you think so!

    Not a writer by trade but I do enjoy writing strange little pieces such as the intro. I figure if you are going to introduce yourself to a new group then you may as well put in a little effort. First impressions, right? Haha

    Thanks again @Snowman
  4. AbeKanan

    AbeKanan Well-Known Member

    .......My car is getting bigger
    Big time
    My house is getting bigger
    Big time
    My eyes are getting bigger
    Big time
    And my mouth
    Big time
    My belly is getting bigger
    Big time
    And my bank account
    Big time
    Look at my circumstance
    Big time
    And the bulge in my big big big big big big big

  5. Conquer Tsar

    Conquer Tsar New Member

    Ha! Thanks, Abe.

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