Elastic Assholes #06 (Mike John Productions 2008) - DVD review

[Snowman]

Elastic Assholes #06 "Special Edition 2 Disc Set", d. Mike John, Mike John Productions distributed by Jules Jordan Video, 2008
(dop 04.10.08, street date 05.27.08)

Featuring Dana DeArmond, Adrianna Nicole, Sarah, Britney Stevens, Velicity Von, Alexandra Joy, Cindy Crawford

Scene 1 -- Dana DeArmond with one guy (Steve Holmes)

Dana is a fairly attractive brunette with natural breasts and a pasty white complexion. She looks to be about 26. Her skin (on her face) is not the best, but her make-up covers it up adequately. Unfortunately, she has a rather large tattoo directly above her pussy that is distracting and looks trashy. The scene takes place on a sofa and there is not set up. Holmes engages in some foreplay with Dana, including kissing and eating at the Y. Dana displays some pretty good deep throat skills but John is in a rush to wind up the oral sequence and it ends too soon. She also licks his ass briefly before getting porked by Holmes' hard cock sideways. A few minutes later he slips it into her ass and Dana torn between discomfort and pleasure. Holmes seems to make a real effort here to get her off by rubbing her pussy and tweaking her nipples as he fucks her ass. Dana is pretty vocal is appears to cum. After a rather long missionary anal sequence, Dana sucks his cock a2m. The next position is reverse cowgirl anal with some minor variations. Holmes gets some good pumping action going here and the camera angles are good. Dana sucks his cock from her ass again and then gets in doggy position. Holmes bones her butt deep from behind and there are some good instances of gaping during this sequence. This leads to cowgirl vag and then back to reverse cowgirl anal with more gape shots this time. It's as if Mike John forgot this movie was supposed to be about "elastic assholes" during the first go round. For the pop shot, Holmes jerks off as she sucks his balls and then blows his wad in her mouth. She cleans his cock and swallows it down. (35 minutes)

Scene 2 -- Adrianna Nicole with one guy (Sean Michaels)

Adrianna is a MILFish blond with large boobs. She's fairly attractive but has a boxy body and will not be confused with a supermodel. She looks a little bit like a younger Samantha from Sex in the City. Adriana has a giant tattoo on her right thigh and other artwork on her legs that detracted substantially from her appearance. She's wearing cheap looking pink stockings with black heels. This is another sofa scene. After some dull tease shots, Sean Michaels appears sporting glasses that give him an intellectual look. He eats her ass and then Adrianna sucks his long black pole. Adriana sucks his cock quite well and gets it nice and wet. Then she rides Michaels cowgirl. After a couple of minutes, Michaels stuffs his cock in her bunghole and she seems to be able to handle it easily. Michaels is relatively hard in this movie, unlike some of his appearances. She sucks his cock a2m, practically inhaling the whole thing before moving on to mish anal. Adriana performs a2m again and then gets impaled anally reverse cowgirl. The starlet rims Michaels briefly and then gets plowed in the ass doggy style. Michaels gapes her ass in this position. Then scissors anal with gaping. At times, Michaels chokes her. The scene winds down with Michaels jerking off onto her tongue. She sucks him dry and then swallows it. (43 minutes)

Scene 3 -- Sarah with three guys (Steve Holmes, Erik Everhard and Robert Rosenburg)

This scene has a weak set up Mike John shouldn't have bothered with. The guys are making a mess in the living room with beer cans, cigar ashes etc. They comment that the new Czech cleaning lady will take care of it. Sarah is a fairly cute Euro brunette in her 20's with very dark hair highlighted with purple streaks. She's wearing a black tube top and panties. The guys molest her and she goes down on Holmes and the other guys. There's a nice sequence here where she leisurely sucks three cocks at the same time. Sarah is on her knees and the guys surround her on all sides. From this point forward it's sort of a mini-gangbang. The guys take turns fucking her pussy while she sucks dick at the same time. Then without any straight anal, Sarah performs reverse cowgirl DP. DP doesn't seem to faze her much and she doesn't miss a beat sucking cock at the same time. After a few minutes, the team switches to doggy DP. Everhard fucks her energetically here and gapes her ass for the camera a few times. Sarah does the a2m thing and the guys switch up. At times some fingers also find their way into her butthole and she happily tastes them. More gaping ensues and by now her butt is looking pretty raw. The scene cuts to standing DP next and then back to reverse cowgirl DP for a bit. At the end of the scene, Sarah is on her knees in typical pop shot fashion and all the guys cum on her face and open mouth. She's quite a mess at the end and it looks hot. Now Sarah resumes her cleaning duties. (29 minutes)

Scene 4 -- Britney Stevens and one guy (Steve Holmes)

This scene starts with some tease footage poolside. Britney is wearing a purple metallic bikini and shows her off tits and ass. This starlet is perfect if a trampy Jewish look appeals to you. One of her most distinctive features is multi-colored star tattoos on her left upper arm. The male talent rubs some oil on her chunky ass and torso. This soon leads to some outside fucking and sucking on the patio. Holmes leads her indoors and takes her to a sofa (of course!). He positions her face down and ass up and proceeds to eat her ass. Britney's butt opens up quite a bit considering the anal portion of the scene hasn't even started. Holmes pops his cock in her ass. Britney runs her potty mouth the entire time, urging him to "treat her like a whore" and "pump her fucking ass." Holmes steps on her head as he fucks her ass in this sequence. Britney sucks his cock a2m and Holmes crosses his legs above her to form a headlock. Britney gags a bit on the cock and drools on it. Then she licks Holmes' butt hole. Next he fucks her pussy cowgirl style and then converts this to anal. Holmes drills her in this position and Britney takes it up her ample booty like a champ. Now she turns around and lets Holmes fuck her ass in the reverse cow position. Britney, who is looking somewhat disheveled at this point, sucks his cock a2m. Holmes fucks ass now in the missionary position and gapes her violated dirt chute. Then doggy and sideways followed by more reverse cowgirl and mish again. The action is OK, but repetitive at this point. For the climax, Britney sucks his balls briefly and he strokes off near her face. Britney's mouth is open but Holmes overshoots and most of the jizz misses her. Some does manage to drip into her mouth and she swallows it. Britney proudly displays her blown out butt at the very end of the scene. (38 minutes)

Scene 5 -- Velicity Von and one guy (Steve Holmes)

Velicity is first shown standing by the pool in a revealing one piece black bathing suit. Velicity is a cute blond with large boobs that jiggle nicely and a decent bubble butt. As with most of the girls on the disc, she's MILF material, not "barely legal" and has several distracting tattoos. After a fairly long tease sequence, the scene cuts to the living room sofa where Velicity is quickly joined by a guy (Steve Holmes again). Holmes sucks her tits a little then eats her pussy. Von then gets on her knees and titty fucks him briefly. Soon Velicity is riding his cock reverse cowgirl style. About fifteen minutes into the scene Holmes prods her ass with his pole from behind. He lets Velicity do the work here but quickly seems to get bored and re-positions her on her side. Holmes seems to want to kiss her a lot but I'm not feeling the love. Velicity sucks his cock a2m and then gets more booty love cowgirl style. After another a2m sequence, she takes Holmes anally in the mish position. After a while, Von puts her legs up in the air in this position and a good camera angle opens up, but it doesn't go on that long before being interrupted for another ass to mouth break. Most of the sequences here are like that. Next Velicity is fucked in the ass reverse cowgirl style. Von makes a lot of noise, but in fact Holmes is not fucking her that hard. There's a bit more mish anal and then Holmes dribbles a modest amount of cum on her tongue. She cleans him off and the scene fades out. (34 minutes)

Scene 6 -- Alexandra Joy and two guys

Scene six features Alexandra Joy, who is probably the best looking starlet on this disc. This model doesn't say much and I strongly suspect she is Euro. She has sandy brown hair, pretty face and medium sized natural breasts. The scene opens with a headless tease sequence that focuses on her diddling her pussy and nipples on a green sofa. She's wearing nothing except blue panties and stripper heels. When the camera reveals her face, she almost immediately goes to work on a cock that appears on the left side of the screen. Another guy appears, takes off her panties in the open seconds and licks her twat. It's not long before he begins to fuck her in the sideways position. Alexandra continues to suck the other guy in a lackluster fashion and later switches to jerking him off with her hands. The scene transitions to reverse cowgirl with Alexandra sucking off the other guy a the same time. After a couple of minutes she spins around and gets boned cowgirl. The guy fingers her ass and she continues to suck guy number two's dick. Next up is a doggy DP sequence. Alexandra seems somewhat uncomfortable and the scene does indeed have a break in continuity. Alexanda is fairly quiet while taking on two cocks but a few moans and "yeahs" escape her mouth. One of the guys really seems to enjoy this starlet, but she mostly seems to be enduring it. One gets the sense Alexandra is there strictly to earn fast cash. There's a couple quick gape attempts around 45:00 but her ass doesn't open up much. Alexandra sucks his cock a2m and they go back to doggy DP. Another quick instance of a2m and then Alexandra is analed and double dicked reverse cow style. Alexandra doesn't have much more energy in this position but she does manage a slight smile a few times. After waking her up slight by slapping her tits, there's some fast gape shots at 50:00. By now her butt opens up better. This sequence goes on fairly long and has some nice angles. The last position is standing DP. The guy in her puss gets some good motion going, but the ass man is pretty static. Alexandra performs some a2m again reluctantly and they head into the final stretch of dp footage. For the cumshot the guys dribble their cum into her mouth. Alexandra smiles and cleans their cocks. She seems happy now that the scene is complete. Happy Euro guy is still raving about her at the end. (18 minutes)

Scene 7 -- Cindy Crawford with two guys (Steve Holmes and Erik Everhard)

The last scene features Cindy Crawford who expresses her desire to begin the scene without any clothes on in the opening footage. There's some small talk about how the scene should go and the action starts in an natural manner. But the group is outside on the patio and need to move things indoors. Once indoors, the foreplay picks up where it left off on the sofa. Everhard doesn't take long to start fucking her and Holmes gets his Johnson sucked and jerked. Near the end of this sequence Holmes stuffs his entire cock down her throat and Cindy gags a bit, but then the scene cuts to a new position (cowgirl). There's some more deep thoat oral action and a brief sequence of doggy. Then Everhard stuffs her butt with his cock. Cindy takes it easy and John uses a low camera angle to good effect. Next Cindy takes two cocks at the same time in the doggy position. The guys pound her good and Cindy seems to enjoy it. She performs a2m and then gets fucked anally from behind. This sequence is short and soon Cindy is getting DPed again in the RCA position. Cindy appears to orgasm again. She performs a2m again and Erik pumps her from behind again. Then more doggy DP, mish anal, reverse cowgirl DP again and sideways. For the money shot, Cindy sits on the floor and tilts her head back far. Then she opens her mouth really wide and sticks her tongue out far. She must be a dream patient for her dentist. The guys splooge on her tongue and she happily swallows it. Cindy spreads her cheeks for the camera and the credits roll. (32 minutes)

Everything Else

The disc includes a generous behind the scenes (about 25 minutes), featurette and photo gallery.

Final Thoughts

With a running time that approaches four hours and seven anal scenes, you get a lot of fuck for the buck with Elastic Assholes #06. However, the cast is completely devoid of "A list" girls. Worse, it's questionable if Mike John was trying very hard here. While the production is competent, the scenes have a "been there, done that" feel to them. John seems stuck in his comfort zone and there's scant evidence that he was trying anything new or creative here whatsoever. The result is seven cookie cutter, gonzo, sofa scenes. In fact, during the sex sequences, it appeared he wasn't directing much of anything, leaving it up to the familiar and smug male talent to decide the flow of the scene. Sometimes this clearly interfered with the stroke factor of the footage as positions were changed up too often as if the momentary pleasure of the male talent was more important than the viewer's enjoyment. For Mike John fans that are perfectly happy with his work in the past, Elastic Assholes #06 serves up another helping of it. Just don't expect any growth or surprises.

Overall Disc Rating: B-

-- Snowman

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Thanks to Jules Jordan Video and Mike John Productions for providing a screener of this disc. Click to view the trailer.