A parody of reality TV, in particular America’s Next Top model, 5 eager young teens compete in a series of fuck related feats to win themselves a contract with Hannah Harper’s "Dream Teens" porn agency.

This is kind of new ground for me. Although the cover looks like your run of the mill, RLD or Anabolic point and shoot gonzo porn, Dream Teens #05 is very much a feature in disguise. Director Hannah Harper also stars as the host of Dream Teens, a reality program set to find the next big teen porno starlet. Our five contestests are Carly (Gina Austin), Kerry (Sierra Sinn), Jessica (Annie Cruz), Amanda (Nadia Styles) and Samantha (Courtney Simpson).

Inconsistency. It’s not unusual (ain’t that right Tom Jones?) to see a disc that features a truly great scene and several mediocre ones, but as this is a feature and all scenes are tied together, I think the poor performance of earlier scenes, rubs off badly on my memory of the simply awesome finale.

Naff Camera work. For the most part this is pretty good, but those zooming in on inanimate object, scene transitions were just whack! I felt like I was watching Brooke tell Ridge she is sleeping with the Forresters' cat. Or Something.

Taking her queue from the Corey Clark/Paula Abdul controversy, Amanda (Nadia Styles) aims to circumvent the competition, gaining an unfair advantage by fucking the show’s producer. Nadia is the token Bitch of the piece and she plays the role to a tee. The fucking begins with Nadia getting her cooch eaten, before she takes to slurping on Stone’s Johnson. Nadia’s cock smoking skills are sweet. Stone does hold her head down for some gagging, but she springs back pretty quick once he releases his grip and noticeably dodges his second attempt for more gaggin’ action. When the penetration starts, Nadia becomes more vocal, her breathing punctuated by sharp squeals, which get louder as the fucking intensifies. Director Harper uses the rather annoying technique of panning away from the action and focusing on a background item such as curtains or the window, as an indicator of change in Sexual positions, Rather than a sweet transition, this instead causes a disruption to the scene and is a technique that is better placed in a daytime soap opera. With the opening scenes I think the lighting is a little off, there is a yellow wall in the background, which seems to cause a yellow tinge to the scene. Not so much that you would think you are watching an X-rated Simpsons, but a little distracting nonetheless. As the encounter draws to a close Nadia takes a big load across her cheek (the one on her face, not her ass) which even gloops it’s way into her ear!! Not a bad way to start the flick, but not a ball drainingly awesome scene either. Holistic scene grade:  B  (28 minutes)

Scene Two Rating: 7.95
Starlet appearance: 8.20, Starlet attitude and personality: 8.40, Sexual Heat: 7.20, Raincoat appeal: 8.00

Oh Boy! We are in for a treat, next up is the host of Dream Teens, showing the gals how it’s done - that’s right Ms Hannah Harper! Yeah, don’t all cheer at once, folks. This scene in a word was - Bland. I couldn’t get much into this, I mean sure she is a blonde hottie and she has some big ol’ boobages, but this was all, so ‘meh.’ I think much of my disinterest stems from Hannah’s atrocious acting. There is no way to believe she would be hired to host this program, not in a million years. It’s not bad porno acting, which in it’s own way can be entertaining, it’s just - bland porno acting! Zzzzzzzz. But maybe directors should not appear in their own films? Of course there are plenty of examples to the contrary (Eastwood for one), but Tarantino blows chunks in his acting turn in Reservoir Dogs. He even gave himself some of the best material in the Like a Virgin = Dick monologue, but was still pretty mediocre. Ok, off on a big tangent there, as you can probably tell I am struggling to write anything about this scene, good, bad or indifferent. Oh - there is anal, so at least blondie get’s her ass stuck, that ain’t all too bad. The cum shot serves to infuriate even further though, as Kris Knight fails to take direction. Unless I am going deaf (with the amount of porn I watch, I should be going blind, not deaf), I am sure Hannah says ‘cum on my face’, instead we get a load dumped all over her mammaries instead. The dud scene of the movie. Holistic scene grade:  D  (20 minutes)

Sex checklist: oral, straight, anal, p2m, a2m, dp, squirting

Before the final fuck, we get a small skit guest starring Flick Shagwell as Janice Dicksucinson and Voodoo as Ms Vee in an piss take of America’s Next Top Model. While the initial parodies are funny, this is a little over long, kind of like those SNL sketches that never seem to end. Still it was enough to raise a smile and acts as a nice buffer zone between the on screen sexual escapades

Time for the finale, the main event, winner takes all! Jessica (Annie Cruz) vs. the returning Kerry (Sierra Sinn)! A monumental match up, something akin to Balboa vs Apollo Creed or Rip vs Zeus from No Hold’s Barred! Ok, probably more of the latter and not the former, but still - it is surprising to see how effective the film storyline works into this scene. Annie and Sierra both have a dude each to fuck, and thankfully, as both holes are willing, we also get some DP action thrown into the mix. As stated above - the storyline really helped me get into this scene! Whilst watching I was trying to pick the winner. As the girls are getting fingered, Annie has a whole lotta squirting going on, so she wins that round, but then I figured that Sierra takes the honors in the blow job round, as she applies a lotta slobber to her suckage. Sure it’s a little goofy, but it’s also a lot of fun! One aspect I didn’t buy though, was that all of a sudden the girls are enemies! They are pushing each other out of the way, scowling in the background with arms crossed, whilst the other is getting DP’ed. They had been friends the whole way through and now they hate each other!?! Chalk it up to the heat of the competition I guess. Perhaps would have been better to have one girl painted as the bitch earlier on, so we would have someone to root for. The fucking in this is top notch and the camera work also is awesome. With the earlier footage of both girls getting fucked simultaneously, there is a very real risk of the whole scene degenerating into a mess of confusion, but director Harper manages to frame the action and cut back and forth so we get a great overall view of the fucking. There is plenty to like in the finale, with the two DP scenes and Annie’s numerous squirts, including the squirt that Sierra takes to the face, being among the many highlights. A well lensed jizz blast too with a close up of Annie getting sprayed and then the camera pans across for Sierra’s coating. Nice to see the girls make-up at the end and team up to ‘share the load’, so to speak. I soooooo was not expecting this scene to knock me out as it did. This film had been mediocre up until this point, the scene before upped the stakes, but the finale really blew the roof! This would not be out of place on any A Grade filth disc.

And as for the winner? C’mon I can’t spoil it for you! We do catch up with our winner, several months down the line, how has the porno business impacted on her life?Well....that is something you will just have to see for yourself.  Holistic scene grade:  A  (27 minutes)

We get some Behind the Scenes footage which contains mini interviews with each of the gals, but mainly serves to put Harper over as a legitimate porno director. There is even footage of crew members moving a couch - just like in Hollywood movies! There is a also your standard photo gallery - which excludes pics of Annie Cruz! WTF!?!

Uneven. An epic level, fucking awesome finale, but the rest ranged from good to mediocre to just plain...bland. Having not watched many features I was surprised at the impact a story and the theme of a scene can have on my overall enjoyment. The final scene was really taken to another level by the overall story of the Next Teen Pornstar competition. Methinks based on the impact of this story, albeit lightweight, I will have to broaden my horizons and take in some more porno features.

Sexual Content Ratings (averaged & weighted 2x): 8.19
Average of all scenes listed above.

Production Ratings (weighted 1x):  8.16
Dialog/Story/Script: 8.30, Costumes/Clothing: 8.20, Location: 8.00

Technical Ratings (weighted 1x):  7.75
Camerawork: 8.00, Video Quality: 8.00, Audio Quality: 8.00, DVD Extras: 7.00

Overall Rating:  8.07 out of 10.00

-- Deathsheep