Snowman's Raincoat Reviews - Two in the Seat #03

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Guest Flash Review (Crucifixio Jones)

Two in the Seat #03

(To Zoom in on the front of the box cover, click here . Click here to see the back.)

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Or you can watch this movie right now on VoD!

Starlets:

Belladonna
Monica Sweetheart
Claire James
Crystal Ray
Jessica Darlin
Taylor Rain

Category	Wall to Wall / Gonzo
Director	David Luger
Themes	rough sex, interracial sex, DPs, anal sex, a2m
Production or Street Date	12.04.01 date of production, released 05.05.03
Released By	Red Light District Video
Available Formats	VHS & DVD (DVD version reviewed)
Running Time	136 minutes plus bonus footage (on dvd version)
Source and Price Paid	DVD courtesy of Red Light District Video
Box Cover Quote	"It's 100% DP as we present a mix of newbies and vets!""

Synopsis

There is no one sure shot formula for a pornographer’s guaranteed success, but if such a recipe did indeed exist it might somewhat resemble the following:

Ingredients:

* 1 established distributor with a well-earned reputation for producing the highest-quality, ball-draining smut in recent years
* 1 female cast consisting of the newest and nastiest, most beautiful and fresh faced, hard-edged and insatiable, red-hot female performers working in adult today
* Directions: Pair the cast with two men each, with the promise they will all be double-penetrated and receive gooey double-doses of facial cream in a whopping six sex scenes

Serves: A thoroughly satisfied yet physically spent viewer with a more-than-just-a-little sore pecker.

What's Hot

You’re kidding, right? The whole goddamn thing. What’s not to like? One of the best casts assembled for a gonzo movie EVER.

What's Not

With so many truly GREAT performances on this disc, I’d hate to rate them. But if Crystal Ray, who’s quickly making a name for herself as a do-anything hardcore phenom, is your weakest performer, you really don’t have much to bitch about. The only truly disappointing moment of the entire DVD is one of the weak money shots that ends Jessica Darlin’s simply SCORCHING scene. She deserved to be blasted out of her bobby socks after all she gave and it just didn’t happen.

Play By Play

Below is a detailed description of each scene:

Scene One - Belladonna and two guys (Brian Pumper & Brett Rockman)

First we are treated to the absolutely delectable ass of Utah’s sluttiest export, Belladonna. This scene, like all the others starts with a short interview. Bella’s wearing see-through black panties and a matching bra. She notes that she and the guys have never worked together before and that she’s eager to fuck them both. Luger, the interviewer, says the excitement is definitely mutual. Why does everyone want to fuck Belladonna? “Maybe it’s because I’m sweet.” I nearly did a spit-take when I heard that response. I’ve heard Belladonna described as a lot of things since her debut, but “sweet” has never been an adjective I’ve seen thrown her way when used to describe her fucking acumen. She goes on to say that she goes out of her way to please everyone and rightfully tells us that her ass probably receives the most attention from the people she works with. Bella then informs us that she watches all of her movies but doesn’t masturbate to them; she gets off on watching women.

After a short tease that involves Bella slowly stripping and jiggling her wares at Luger’s request, she leads us down a hall and onto a couch where she waits to blow Rockman and Pumper. Pumper tells us that Bella is “a talented cocksucker” but right now Ray Charles could see that. Bella alternately strokes both of their cocks with her hands and the back of her throat until she lies down and spreads her pink for Rockman. Her cowgirl with Pumper is a sight to behold, that is, if you like the sight of big bouncing asses. Bella in reverse cowgirl is only slightly down the “boner” meter, as you can see her awesome natural tits leap as enthusiastically and impressively as her derriere. Brett is the first to invade her anally and Pumper completes the double-penetration soon thereafter. ‘Donna moans with obvious delight and plays with herself. They flip her over to the cowgirl position, this time with Pumper in her ass and Rockman in her slit. Pumper takes Bella a gift and lets her suck his cock ass-to-mouth. She takes on both men individually to end the scene, letting Pumper fuck her ass doggie until he pops directly into her mouth and she gives him some inspired post-cum head. Bella gets back into position for Rockman, who shoots onto her face and mouth and both loads drip down her chest.

The scene itself is as whackable as ever but one can’t help but notice that the notorious wild child appears almost bored with only two cocks to toy with. It takes more than two men to sate the insatiable Belladonna. Her appetite knows no limits and I’m sure she left this set and fucked 20 guys just to make it through the ride home.

Scene Grade: A-

Scene Two - Monica Sweetheart and two guys (Brian Pumper, Dick Delaware)

Is there any Eurobabe out there hotter than Sweetheart? The Czech girl of my wet dreams, Monica Sweetheart oozes sensuality and sex appeal in the next scene. She lets her wily Euro charms, overseas accent and bodily fluids drip like honey all the rods of Brian Pumper and Dick Delaware. There is no interview, but instead we get lengthy tease footage that includes Monica showing off her pert breasts, tight ass and pretty pussy. The guys don’t waste any time when they enter the frame, devouring every inch of Sweetheart like they were two recently released parolees. Her dual blowjob is extremely brief but I guess Monica’s just really anxious to get down to business. Before you know it, she’s riding Pumper reverse cowgirl with a mouthful of “Dick.” Delaware himself, bangs Monica mish for a bit before they put two in her seat cowgirl for nearly half of the scene. The other half of the scene is spent Dping Monica in the reverse cowgirl position and the guys switch places. Delaware jerks himself to completion onto her tongue and Pumper fucks her ass mish one last time before blasting right up into her nostrils and into her eyes. A third dick comes into the frame, which I believe to be director David Luger and dribbles an additional third load of gargantuan goo globules onto her tongue. She polishes his knob like antique furniture to end the scene.

Monica’s so damn sexy, her pure sensuality can make a sub-par scene strokable. All she has to do is be there.

Scene Grade: A-

Scene Three - Claire James and two guys (Mr. Pete, Brian Surewood)

Claire James is a naturally big-breasted pixie-ish brunette with a ready smile and a really cute face bearing a slight resemblance to Anna Paquin. Here she is sporting pigtails and an outfit that can only be described as something that the high school whore would wear to a sleepover at her best friend’s house in order to seduce her dad. You have to see it to believe it. It’s so adolescent and unabashedly slutty at the same time. Claire’s only been in porn for three months at this point. Surewood and Pete appear with raging hard-ons and plug her mouth shut, brushing her teeth and stretching her jaws. Claire kneels between the two of them and surrounds herself with dick. It’s here that you get to see just how superb her tits really are. Surewood uses her pigtails as handlebars and guides her down with them to deepthroat his meat. Claire lies down for some missionary action, letting that baby fat shake around her midsection. Her tight and bald, new-to-porn pussy is showcased best when she’s riding Pete reverse cowgirl. “Where’s that dick?” “IN MY ASS!” The two guys DP her cowgirl for a bit, her mammaries swaying to and fro in Surewood’s face. Like the scenes before, Claire fucks both men separately to end the action. Pete fires off a relatively weak money shot but Surewood nails her in the nostrils, closing them up with Spiderman-like cum webbing and then blasting her directly to the back of the throat with his next stream, gagging her. With her nostrils jammed shut with jizz, Claire temporarily can’t breath. She never loses the smile the entire time, though. You have to see it, it’s great. There was some good energy here, especially from Surewood. If Claire can handle these two this early in her career, she’s got a long successful one ahead of her.

Scene Grade: B+

Scene Four - Crystal Ray and two guys (Pat Myne, Mr. Pete)

Crystal’s a rail-thin, snow-white, valley girl with a cleft in her chin, a distinctive mouth and lips custom-built for consoling cocks. Dispensing with the bullshit, she says she’s here for a DP. She rubs lotion over herself to tease us. Pat Myne and Mr. Pete fuck her doggie and then mish and Crystal, whose only done a few scenes on-camera at this point but obviously no stranger to sex, takes to it all like a fish to water. They DP the trashy-looking waif in the cowgirl position first briefly and Mr. Pete fucks her reverse cowgirl in the ass while she swallows Myne’s sword. Both men finish up separately mish, dropping pearly payloads on her grill. Some may not dig her look but you can’t take anything away from Crystal Ray in relation to her performances. She has an obvious love and dedication to her chosen vocation. This scene and the others I have seen of her are sure to land her atop many raincoaters’ lists as one of the best new starlets of 2003. In a funny bit, Luger repeatedly throws hints at Crystal that he wants her to eat the cum but she keeps coming up with creative little ways to try to avoid doing it.

Scene Grade: B+

Scene Five - Jessica Darlin and two guys (Pat Myne, Mr. Pete)

Darlin descends a staircase in a blue polka dot number looking like the girl next door, albeit the girl next door who was really easy and had tits and an ass that just wouldn’t quit. Fellow porn stars could stand to take extended hiatuses if it does for them what it has done for Jessica. One look at her and it is clear that the rumors of her demise and/or retirement have been GREATLY exaggerated. I’ll go on record as saying this the absolute best Darlin has EVER looked in her entire career. What does she want to do today? “I want to FUCK.” What makes Jessica Darlin special? “I’m five foot, I can take a really big cock, I have great tits and I’m still tight after 200 films.” I can’t argue with any of that although I’d have to test her tightness for myself to qualify that last statement. In the meantime, I’ll have to take her word for it.

In her first RLD appearance, Jessica attacks it like it may be her last scene EVER for anyone. Jessica Darlin turns in the most intense and raw scene, letting Mr. Pete and Pat Myne treat her fairly rough, reaming her throat until she’s panting and out of breath from her gag-happy oral exploits. This, combined with their light choking and playful slaps, however, don’t deter Darlin from hoarsely demanding more of the same until they paste her eyelids shut with sizeable spurts of semen. Darlin let loose with a plethora of animalistic yelps and guttural groans throughout the entire scene; I’m talking loud primal scream and banshee wails that would wake the dead. The only time she’s even partially quiet is when her craw is jammed full of shiny shafts. Going backdoor on Jessica only inspires more dirty talk; she eggs the boys on, urging them to fuck her ass harder, faster and to slap her tits. Jessica’s look when she pulls away from sucking off Myne and Pete is similar to a junkie taking their first hit off of a crackpipe: simultaneously overwhelmed and exhilarated. She’s so high off of it, they have to help her to her feet and down onto Pat’s dick reverse cowgirl. At one point, Myne is fucking her ass doggie and Mr. Pete is stepping on her fucking head. When you’re pleading to taste cum on your TEETH, you’re in the zone. Ladies and germs, Jessica is back and better than ever.

Scene Grade: A

Scene Six - Taylor Rain and two guys (Manuel Ferrara, Steve Holmes)

One of the busiest and most popular actresses working today, Taylor Rain shows why she’s an early favorite for Best New Starlet. The 21-year-old Hollywood native fingers her ass and savors the taste. When the guys show, Steve immediately hides his face in her ass and Manuel hides his salami in her mouth. Damn, she gives awesome head with her little purty mouth. Taylor gives Holmes identical treatment before riding him cowgirl while she blows Ferrara. She climbs over and gets a good cowgirl fucking from Manuel while she gags on Holmes. Ferrara turns her around for some doggie while she continues to smoke Holmes’ sausage. Manuel preps Rain’s bung with his talented tongue but it’s Holmes who stretches her tiny ass first with his wood while she bobs her head up and down on Manuel’s monster cock. Taylor maneuvers into position for some anal reverse cowgirl with Ferrara and Holmes eventually fills her cocksocket. The two men switch places, this time Rain riding Holmes with her rectum and Ferrara helping himself to her juicy box. Taylor has no problem navigating the two telephone pole-sized tools of Manuel Ferrara and Steve Holmes into her every available orifice while still miraculously managing to maintain a genuine look of satisfaction, awe, confusion, surprise and insatiable sexual craving all at the same time. Little Taylor looks as if she might be split in half by these mammoth members, but it hurts so good. A rim job and a little A2M later, Rain’s VERY loud, finally demanding cum on her face. Manuel is first, projecting accurate streams onto her chin, in her mouth, in her eye and into her hair. Holmes dribbles his ball batter over her open mouth. Taylor confesses that Manuel was definitely the biggest cock she’s ever had in her, saying it was “like a Budweiser can.” Manuel fingers Taylor’s pussy and makes her squirt over the closing credits.

Scene Grade: A

Everything Else

Bonus footage of Belladonna and Jessica Darlin giving POV blowjobs to director David Luger, a short behind-the-scenes segment, a photo gallery and trailers for other RLD releases.

Last Word & Final Tally

How can you go wrong? Wall-to-wall action; four scenes with porn’s current fan-favorite gonzo darlings where they all get jumped on by porn studs from all four corners of the globe like a G.I. Joe versus forty Cobra soldiers. Toss in two top-notch fuck forays by hard working relative newcummers, the impossibly cute Claire James and down-and-dirty Crystal Ray, and you can effectively carve another proud notch in RLD’s boudoir bedpost. This is why they invented the words Instant Classic. You’re gonna tap yourself out countless times to this movie. Buy three. One for your home, one for your car/portable DVD player and one to keep in plastic for your grandkids.

Feature Grade Point Average: 3.66 (B+)

-- Crucifixio Jones

Second Opinion?

Spooky praised the selection of "popular starlets" and a "couple of lesser known girls." In his view Taylor Rain's scene was best and the main reason to watch and purchase this disc. Overall rating: 4.00 stars out of 5.00. (RAME)

Jaded video says "if you like seeing good looking chicks get double penetrated you should ... whip out your credit card [right now]. The reviewer was made "speechless" by Monica Sweetheart's ass. Overall rating: "highly recommended"

Review Date: 11.23.2003

Other Suggestions & Comments

On 11.20.03, the average price for this dvd was $19.58 based on 18 online retailers.

Speak Out! Have you seen this movie and would like to comment on it? If so, please post your thoughts here!

If this movie appeals to you, Snowman recommends:

"Two in the Seat #01" - this was one of the movies that helped put RLD on the map. An outstanding collection of no nonsense filthy sex. Lots of DP and a2m action. Ashley Blue turns in a good performance and Asian fans should check out a rare appearance by Tolly Crystal. I believe she is Mongolian. (action-dvd)

"Two in the Seat #02" - the second in the series has plenty of similar sex action, but the girls are all Eastern European so that made this one less enjoyable for me. (action-dvd)

"1 in the Pink, 1 in the Stink #01" - lots of nasty anal, a2m, dp and even double anal action. I especially dug the Jayna Oso scene. Asian fans should note that Lyla Lei turns in another nasty performance here! (action-dvd)

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