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Guest Flash Review (Crucifixio Jones)
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Or you can watch this movie right now on VoD!
Starlets:
| Category | Wall to Wall / Gonzo |
| Director | Jules Jordan |
| Themes | anal sex, straight sex, dp, oral sex |
| Production or Street Date | 08.05.02 date of production, released 09.25.02 |
| Released By | Jules Jordan Video and Evil Angel Video |
| Available Formats | VHS & DVD (DVD version reviewed) |
| Running Time | 140 minutes plus 24 minutes of bonus footage (on dvd version) |
| Source and Price Paid | DVD courtesy of Evil Angel Video |
| Box Cover Quote | "Full service anal! The tightest, roundest asses, pried open!" |
Synopsis
The most popular, critically-acclaimed and arguably hottest new young director in all of porndom delivers the third installment of his series that is sure to please his boss, John Stagliano aka Buttman: Ass Worship #3. Assembling some of the finest backsides in the adult entertainment industry, Jules Jordan fills all their holes, taking special care to tend to their tender tooshes.
What's Hot
The wardrobe. Jordan has an uncanny knack for not only capturing the women he casts in an exceptional light, but he also finds the sexiest and sluttiest outfits to dress them up in. G-strings, crotchless apparel and anything mesh or fishnet automatically got added to my Christmas wish list after sitting through this. Ryan Conner’s checkerboard catsuit grabs your eye and physically tugs it to each and every impossible curve, making her full figure seem all the more voluptuous and her sizeable proportions all the more enticing.
What's Not
Toys, toys and more toys. This may be some guys’ thing but it’s not something I really enjoy. Perhaps briefly as foreplay, but if you’re breaking up the action or stopping it altogether to get some chick to lick a butt plug, you are interrupting the natural flow and momentum of a scene. I expect a title of this name to have some ass play, but let’s not overdue it and by no means should a toy suddenly appear on screen halfway through the scene after proper fucking has already begun. It’s distracting to have a nice rhythm going and then have the life sucked out of the scene and my hard-on fall by the wayside just to introduce a string of anal beads. Keep that in the foreplay/tease portions, please.
Play By Play
Below is a detailed description of each scene:
Scene One - Gauge
and two guys (Mark Ashley & Jules Jordan)
The pride of Arkansas, little Gauge attempts to give new meaning to the old cliché about looks that can “stop traffic” as she takes a leisurely stroll on an overpass near a busy freeway. Gauge is followed closely, the camera focusing on her impressive ass as it fills out some shiny purple denim pants. After showing off her natural tits a little Gauge thinks it’d be best that they leave and head for the house before they “cause a collision.” Inside, Gauge bends over a small flight of steps while Ashley and Jordan spread her butt cheeks and nibble on her pert and firm breasts. Out come some bright pink anal beads and you know exactly where they go. Jules removes them slowly with his teeth before producing an even larger set, this time neon green. At first I doubt the likelihood that they’ll even make it all the way in, but then I remember: this is Gauge. This is a walk in the trailer park for her and she has no problem taking in either of these toys or the horsetailed butt plug she wears next.
Now she finally gets down to business, kneels down between two hard dicks and starts sucking. “Slapdash” is the word of the day, as Gauge lets saliva drip from both men’s rods and all over her chest as she crams her mouth full of cock. Jules eats her pussy and then bends her over a barstool to taste her ass. Gauge’s ass, I must say, looks absolutely good enough to eat in this position. The sight of her ample cheeks hanging over the edge of that seat getting fucked by Mark and Jules’ meat in her mouth on the other end reminds you that this is one of the many reasons JJ has the loyal following he does. He simply knows what looks good on camera. When the two switch positions Jordan forgoes vaginal penetration and heads Straight to the A. Gauge and Ashley then move to a couch where she struggles to cram his dick in cowgirl, but she manages and bounces happily until Jordan comes over to make it a proper DP. Gauge then lies back on the chair, spreads her legs wide and grabs her ankles to let Jordan get a solo turn at her bung. She sucks him off A2M a few times in between poundings. The guys cum simultaneously all over the green eyed bandit’s face, soaking her in spooge and she lets it drip down all 4 feet and 11 inches of her dynamite body while kissing the two poles responsible.
Scene One Rating:
7.25
Scene Two -
Alaura Eden and two guys (Jay Ashley &
Pat Myne)
Alaura Eden can and has passed for a lot of ethnicities in her few years in this business. I’ve seen her in movies with Latina themes, Asian themes, whatever the movie calls for, Eden can be it. I think she could even pass for a Euro babe if she really wanted to. The truth is, the secret to her all-encompassing exotic looks are her Finnish and Japanese genes. There, I’ve spilled the beans. A cross between Stephanie Swift, Tera Patrick and an ass like Nina Hartley’s, Alaura begins this scene by showing off her two best friends, her left and right butt cheeks. She wears a purple thong, a white fishnet top and a flesh colored butt plug to complete the typical Ass Worship ensemble. After getting a good sample of what flavor Alaura’s ass is Jay decides that sticking his prick in her pussy would just be a complete waste of his time in a movie entitled Ass Worship. While he drives from the backseat, Pat Myne receives oral admiration from Alaura. Eden’s tight, round ass and long shapely legs make every scene shot from behind a thing of wonder. She really is a thoroughbred from the waist down, not to take anything away from her top half. Her heart-shaped posterior takes quite a hammering but she’s a good sport about it all and provides the A2M action all good raincoaters like to see after such activities. Later, she leads both men to another area of the house by their cocks and lets them insert a clear dildo in her ass, that she licks clean before they DP her cowgirl. More A2M here and Alaura looks downright delighted to be there. “Oh, God this feels so good!” That a girl. Finally we get a reverse cowgirl DP and a chance to see something other than Eden’s thighs and butt. Alaura’s a looker, her sexy fuck faces perfectly punctuating the action as her natural tits bound about freely. For fans of creampies, both men stow their payloads in Alaura’s poop chute and she pushes them out for the camera.
Scene Two Rating:
8.13
Scene Three -
Ryan Conner and one guy (Jules
Jordan)
An Ass Worship veteran and big butt aficionado favorite, the busty bleach blonde Ryan Conner arrives on Jordan’s doorstep for more of the same treatment she received in the last installment. She gives off either an escort vibe or the old slutty girlfriend dropping by for a quick fuck demeanor, I can’t quite decide which. She is, however, driving me crazy with these skin-tight striped pants she’s wearing and then slips down around her booty to reveal a teeny black g-string. All Jules (and myself) can envision right now is his face planted deep between those cheeks and of course, it isn’t long before he makes that particular fantasy a reality. Jordan buries his wispy beard in Conner’s cavernous derriere, licking and fingering; playing like a kid with a brand new toy. Ryan turns around to briefly wrap her succulent lips around Jordan’s tool before walking to another room where Jordan shows her the checkered pants he has picked out for her to wear today. The outfit she arrived in was hot enough, but Christ, this is a few notches even above that. Bless the lucky man who gets to move his bishop around that board. As she walks, that thong is literally hidden in her rump. It goes down between the cleavage and from there who knows, because we lose track. We’ll just have to trust it’s there.
Ryan undresses and wriggles her thickness into the bodysuit and some calf-high black PVC high-heeled Nazi fuck-me boots. Lord have mercy, the crotch is cut out and Conner bends over while sitting on a bar stool (my new favorite prop) to show us her meaty labia and some ass flesh poking out. Jules leans back and Ryan drapes her gigantic buns over his face while taking his cock into her mouth in a sixty-nine. Three guesses as to which position Jordan finally penetrates Ryan in. If you said doggie then you’re a lot smarter than I give most raincoaters credit for being. That was a joke. Or was it? We get some play with a glass butt plug as I remain perplexed as to how a man can put his dick into someone like a Ryan Conner and actually take it out before cumming. Ryan sashays her ghetto backside to the bathroom where lo and behold, a dildo is already sitting on the toilet seat. I guess you’re gonna have to wait your turn, Ms. Conner. Or you could just sit on it and squat fuck it like a woman possessed while you still have that butt plug firmly entrenched in your ass. Ryan, of course, chooses the latter. Jules, so turned on by watching her madly fuck the toilet seat, replaces the butt plug and he and the dildo DP Ryan on the commode. Ryan only sucks Jordan A2M, though, I guess the dildo doesn’t rate. Ryan is one of the few chicks I’ve seen who genuinely seems to enjoy having her asshole torn apart by big dicks. She really loves it. If it’s just acting, the Academy had better make a category quick for pornstar because this girl deserves an Oscar. “Oh, God that feels good!” She takes to ass-to-mouth with equal fervor and performs it countless times here. In a strange move, Jordan jerks his jizz onto a glass table where Ryan licks it up like an obedient lapdog. She swallows it all and takes one last suck of Jules’ cock to put the exclamation point on a very hot scene of ass worship.
Scene Three Rating:
7.37
Scene Four -
Friday plus two guys (Brian Pumper and
Mark Wood)
Thank God it’s Friday. Her hair dyed blonde here (not her best look), this is the thick and voluptuous version, not the hard body stripper variation. I’ve been in love with this energetic and enthusiastic starlet before I ever saw her in action, back when I had only seen stills that she had done for SCORE magazine. There is just something contagious in this fun-loving nymph’s attitude that you can’t help but become attracted to. Not to mention a pair of perpetually erect puffy nipples that sit atop an equally massive pair of implants and a bodacious backside.
As a tiny pink bikini clings to her many curves, Friday inserts a glass buttplug and covers herself with baby oil while she lounges poolside. From there, she toys briefly with a large dildo, licking it lovingly and then squat fucking it until she can’t stand it any longer and has to go find the real thing. Inside, Brian Pumper and Mark Wood await and they know just what to do with a girl who has as many titillating and tangible assets as Miss Linda Friday. “A big warm cock, I like that,” Friday moans as she inhales Pumper. She can’t say much of anything once she gets “Wood” in her mouth. After removing the glass butt plug (which tastes AND smells good according to Friday), she gets on her knees and treats both men to a sloppy double blowjob. While she continues to dine on Mark, occasionally attempting to deep throat him, Pumper pumps her pussy from behind in the standing doggie position. The two switch positions and bend Friday over a sofa where Pumper forces her head down on to his cock, while Wood fills her aching cock crevice from behind. Friday wails and visibly tenses when Wood goes in her backdoor, but Pumper’s a pal, not only holding her in position and keeping her from getting away, but by muffling her screams by putting his prick in her mouth. That’s what friends are for. “Oh, I’m getting stuffed from both ends!” Friday pushes Pumper down on to the sofa and is riding him hard cowgirl in no time flat. She’s bounding that big backside for a bit before Wood joins the DP party. “Oh my God, two fucking cocks! They’re so fucking HUGE! I’m gonna cum! Jesus!,” Friday bellows. Then she starts into a breathing pattern that sounds as though she’s about to give birth. In mish, Friday takes Pumper in her twat while Wood repeatedly drops his dick down into Friday’s mouth and tweaks those eraserhead nipples. Perched once again between their cocks and looking visibly disheveled, Friday announces that she’s ready for some cum. After a little coaxing by way of rapidly alternating stroking and sucking both men deliver thick ropy loads that blanket her face, eyes and mouth.
Scene Four Rating:
7.25
Scene Five - Jeanie Rivers
plus one guy (Jules Jordan)
Jeanie Rivers has obviously learned from all the footage that preceded her since she is already sitting with her backend hanging off of the infamous bar stool covered only in a white fishnet crotchless stocking and hot pink g-string which looks amazing against her deep bronzed skin. This is going to be Jeanie’s first on-camera anal and who better to break her in than Jules Jordan himself?
Rivers unzips her black PVC sleeveless top and reveals her perky tan lined titties we’ve all come to know and love. She then bends over where Jules puts his cock under her thong and gives her ass a few smacks. Rivers drops to her knees and envelops his prick with her hot mouth, giving him good eye contact throughout. Jordan applies some baby oil to polish her ass before he pokes her pussy doggie, making Jeanie moan with delight. After a little ramming, Jules lets Jeanie suck on his pussy prod again and she seems to enjoy it better with her own “seasoning” on his stick. After inserting a glass buttplug, Jules goes back to work doggie before they move to a sofa where Jeanie rides him cowgirl. Did anyone even notice how awesome Jeanie’s ass was before this scene? Give credit where credit is due, Jules Jordan is like the Quentin Tarantino of porn, plucking stars from virtual obscurity and making them “names” by highlighting their strengths and failing to expose their weaknesses with his camerawork. Jeanie lets loose when Jules drives his cock into her mish, eliciting a little dirty talk to spout from between those full lips. Jules bends her over for a feverish doggy session once more before finally anally invading Jeanie. Absolutely awe-inspiring camerawork here as we see Jeanie’s legs and ass high in the air, taking a pounding, while her underwear and stockings lie on the floor, draped around her ankles. Jeanie takes in Jules’ tool ass-to-mouth a few times and furiously rubs her clit. She then walks gingerly over to another chair and throws her legs skyward, panties still around her ankles, while Jules continues to bang her bung. She does lengthier A2M and shows a little beginner gape. My First Anal, indeed. Jordan ends this session by painting Jeanie’s face and mouth with a well-placed money shot. Jeanie swallows what goes into her mouth and even devours a string of it that hangs from her breast. She seems to be forcing a smile as we fade to black.
Scene Five Rating:
6.75Everything Else
Included in the DVD extras section is cast info, a photo gallery and the Evil Angel “fetish menu” which takes you to specific acts during the action i.e. toys, blowjobs, ass-to-mouth, double penetrations, anal sex or cumshots. There is also twenty four minutes of “extra sex” that consists of new, alternate or extended takes of the action you’ve seen previously in the feature.
Last Word & Final Tally
I tend to look towards the last scene of a movie to be the best, the coup de grace, if you will. Ass Worship #3 let me down in that respect since Jeanie’s scene, while still hot, was incredibly vanilla and was only notable for taking her first onscreen cock in the crapper. The only time Jeanie appeared to be really enjoying herself is when Jordan was in her vagina. Otherwise, it was clear she was there for the money. Stay out of the anal arena, Jeanie, if it’s not really your thing. You’re only cheating your fans. Gauge was Gauge albeit much more attractive and sexually hotter under the watchful gaze of Jordan and his ever-present camera. Friday didn’t seem to be her usual spunky self and surprised me by taking her analing worse than first-timer Rivers. And please, go back to being a brunette. Ryan Conner probably turned in the best performance here, cramming a lot of nastiness into her time with Jordan, working her ass off and letting Jules do just what the title implies, worship it. The sleeper starlet here, though, was Alaura Eden. Simply stunning from every angle, she’s a tasty do-anything morsel who raincoaters are going to see a lot more of in the future. Watch this movie and bear witness to a star being born.
New (Experimental) SRR Rating Method:
Sexual Content Ratings (weighted 2x): 7.35
Production Ratings (weighted 1x): 8.27
Dialog/Story/Script: 7.00, Costumes/Clothing: 9.5,
Location: 8.33
Technical Ratings (weighted 1x): 8.37
Camerawork: 9.50, Video Quality: 8.00, Audio Quality:
8.00, DVD Extras: 8.00
Overall Rating: 7.84 out of 10.00
-- Crucifixio Jones
Second Opinion?
Roger T. Pipe says there "isn't a bad scene in this entire movie" and praised this movie as a contender for best all sex feature in 2002. He says that Gauge's scene is one of her best and award caliber. Overall rating: A (RAME)
Review Date: 11.26.2003
Other Suggestions & Comments
On 11.26.03, the average price for this dvd was $24.32 based on 20 online retailers.
Speak Out!
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If
this movie appeals to you, Snowman recommends:
"Ass Worship #01" - everybody loved Jade Marcela's scene in this movie. Although she appeared in over 200 features, this was the performance she will probably be remembered for. After pleasuring herself anally with a huge dildo stuck on the shower door, Jade engages in fierce backdoor action. The scene ends an internal cum shot which she expels from her ass. Jade drinks the nasty goo from a glass. It's a classic raincoater scene! Also features scorching booty action with mega slut Belladonna and Jewel De'Nyle. (action-dvd)
Page last updated:
11.01.2007.
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