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Guest Flash Review (Crucifixio Jones)
Starlets:
| Category | Feature |
| Director | David Christopher (aka Pussyman) |
| Themes | Taya, straight sex, oral sex |
| Production or Street Date | 08.01.02 date of production, released 04.22.03 (dvd) |
| Released By | Vivid |
| Available Formats | VHS & DVD (DVD version reviewed) |
| Running Time | 108 minutes plus tons of extras and bonus footage (on dvd version) |
| Source and Price Paid | DVD courtesy of Vivid DVD |
| Box Cover Quote | "Touch me, hold me, feel me, seduce me, ravage me, but mostly watch me!" |
Synopsis
Taya is unhappy at home. She has far-from-passionate, unfulfilling sex with her cheating husband, Mickey G. and she wants to reclaim a hold on her life. Tired of being just a housewife and watching soap operas, Taya gets sexually adventurous, first by making out with her best friend, Shauna Banks and then finally when she has proof of her husband’s cheating ways, with Shauna and her friend Steve French.
What's Hot
The pairing of Mickey G. and Vivid’s peripheral b-list stalwart standby, Crystal Carter provides the only half decent one-on-one boy/girl sex in the entire movie, due mostly to Carter's “keep up with me if you can” performance. She tries in vain to get Mickey on the same page and doesn’t, but watching her try makes it somewhat worth the effort.
There are plenty of chapter stops on the DVD for you to jump to specific locations in the action. That’s always a plus.
The animated menus are amongst the best I’ve ever seen, each unique and featuring playback of the scenes you are choosing from in smaller screens on the menu. Also, while those play, a different scene from the feature plays behind those. Very neat and well done.
The Multi-Angle indicator. During nearly every scene in the feature, a white indicator will pop up in the upper right hand corner of the screen allowing you to access an alternate angle of the action.
What's Not
Um…nearly everything else? Particularly annoying is the shoddy editing. The cuts aren’t natural or smooth, but rather hard and abrupt, making each short sex scene seem like a bad jigsaw puzzle put together by a third-grader rather than a professional director, especially one employed by The Mighty Vivid. One sexual position is unexpectedly cut off in the middle of the action to suddenly jump to another position, seemingly joined when the action has already been in progress. You get the feeling there is footage missing or was cut for reasons not known to the viewer. This “feature” plays like a bad compilation tape.
All of the sex scenes contained a maximum of two positions. That’s just lame.
Play By Play
Below is a detailed description of each scene:
Scene One - Taya
and one guy (Mickey G.) "Morning Sex"
Right away, I’m floored by the fact that it looks as if they’ve put more money into the opening credits sequence than the movie itself. We get an establishing exterior shot of a quiet suburban home before we move inside. Taya is lying on the bed alone and naked, her mind apparently someplace else, when we see a pair of hands move along her body. Those hands belong to Mickey, of course, who is licking away at her pussy. Taya alternates facial expressions between pseudo-turned on and completely bored and turned off. When Mickey asks, “You like that?” as he tongues her bung, Taya rolls her eyes and unenthusiastically replies, “MmmHmm.” I don’t get the impression that she’s even acting. During Taya’s blowjob, the DVD gives you the option of watching the action from an alternate angle. This is employed a few more places throughout the disc. An abrupt cut takes us to Mickey, condom already on, about to enter Taya missionary. The Earth is said to be three-fourths water and I believe that same fraction should apply to the six foot Taya’s body. She’s almost all legs and those wiry, gangly things are high in the air and wrapped around Mickey like a spider here as he tries with little success to get a decent reaction out of Taya. Perhaps letting Taya bounce her ass back on his dick doggie will do the trick. As hot as she looks grinding circles around Mickey’s cock controlling the action doesn’t do much for Taya’s enjoyment than before. She still seems to be going through the motions, hoping Mickey blows his load some time soon. She literally looks as if she’s daydreaming, lying with her head in her hands, staring off into space. In true Vivid Contract Girl fashion, Taya doesn’t bother to come around and collect the semen on her face when the time comes, but rather accepts Mickey’s load on her ass.
The “happy” couple eat breakfast together and Taya puts on her best pouty, unhappy face. “You know I love you, right?” Mickey says between bites of scrambled eggs. Taya rolls her eyes and Mickey just gets up and leaves. That’s the entire conversation. Maybe they assume they’re both so good at emoting and their acting skills are so up to par that we just “get it.” Taya decides to catch up on some housecleaning and vacuums while she watches a corny soap opera called “Love’s Affair”.
Scene One Rating:
5.00
Scene Two -
Krystal Steal and one guy (Slim Shady)
"Love's Affair"
I just realized I never paid attention to how coarse and gruff Steal’s speaking voice is. The two are having a picnic and Slim Shady proposes marriage and then offers to lick her ass. She says “yes” to both. Slim strips Krystal out of her black sequined gown (why would you wear that to an outdoor picnic in the first place?) and gets down to business. Steal bends over and lets Shady lick her butthole and the DVD gives us two angles for this scene. Krystal really enjoys being pleasured, but let’s see if she’s so eager when the time comes to reciprocate. Slim turns her over to gnaw at her labia and Krystal really likes this, bouncing her pussy up and down to get it closer to his face. Now it’s Shady’s turn and Steal actually gives an impressive blowjob, sucking and slurping loudly while working the entire shaft with her hand. She spits on it a few times and even makes an effort to deep throat it. All with a smile on her face. She then bends over to show off her best asset, that tight round ass, before Shady sticks it to her doggy with a condom. Krystal’s got a great body as I’m sure you all know, but this voyeuristic position captures it for ogling perfectly. They switch to reverse cowgirl and Shady pounds Steal’s pussy while her bolt-ons bounce ever so slightly. Krystal kneels down in front of Shady to receive a facial and the minute cum touches the tip of her tongue she reacts like it’s a corrosive acid. She wretches and makes a sour face like she swallowed it, when in actuality, she only stuck her tongue out through her tightly closed lips. She, of course, spits out the rest on the sly as she jerks Shady and gives him some post-orgasm head.
This scene makes Taya cry uncontrollably. Me, too.
Scene Two Rating:
6.62
Scene Three -
Crystal Carter and one guy (Mickey
G.) "Feeling Guilty"
Mickey, meanwhile, is out at the local strip club giving all his dollars to the busty Crystal Carter, who’s working the pole (a metal one on the dance floor, not a dick, you perverts!) and I guess you could call what she’s doing dancing. When she comes over to Mickey, he slips her a hundred-dollar bill and she responds with a private dance, promising to make him “cum right in your fucking pants.” Mickey’s not into it at all so Carter asks what’s wrong. Ah, the caring stripper: friend, confidant, counselor and part-time hooker. The two decide that maybe a simple lap dance isn’t enough to get him off, so they take it back to a room somewhere. Crystal gets thrown back onto a bed by Mickey, who undoes her top and sucks at her tits. Crystal’s a sandy blonde who has a face and body like a young Holly Body but tits reminiscent of Renee LaRue. She climbs on top of Mickey and bobs her face up and down on his dick so hard the ENTIRE BED squeaks and shakes. She deep throats him several times with no problem before encasing his prick in some latex for the ensuing ride. After the condom is in place, Carter jumps on reverse cowgirl immediately exclaiming over and over, “Fuck!” I don’t know if she likes it or she’s telling Mickey what to do. He seems so passive about the entire situation. Crystal is pistoning up and down HARD on Mickey’s crank and once again, the bed is probably making more noise than Mick.
Another hard transition and suddenly, Crystal’s taking Mickey in doggie while she fingers her own ass. This is a nasty girl, why hasn’t she done more work for other companies? It’s like Vivid keeps girls like this in a cellar somewhere to use in all their movies so they at least have ONE scene that’s decent in all their movies while the contract stars stand around and either play with themselves or do another chick. They carry the workload and do all the real fucking while everyone else gets do signings and get on the boxcovers. She’s bucking back on Mickey so furiously and talking so much shit, he has to pull out to keep from cumming too soon a few times. Just as action is building to a crescendo, we cut to Crystal on her knees taking the first true facial of the movie. Take note, Krystal Steal and other cum-dodgers of the world, this is how it’s done. Crystal takes three shots of spooge directly in the mouth and doesn’t gag, then another fourth stream right in the corner of her right eye and doesn’t flinch. The rest lands on her mouth and chin. She opens her mouth and sticks out her tongue to catch the rest before Mickey runs out of steam. She plays with the cum, licking and sucking his dick off to end the scene. Mickey made out in this scene; he didn’t even have to perform any cunnilingus. The cut to the cumshot right as the doggie action was getting hot and heavy pissed me off, though.
Back at home, Mickey repeats his same one line from before, this time over lunch. “You know I love you, right?” Taya says she knows, still looking like an emotionally battered wife. Mickey leaves while Taya cleans up. Shauna Banks then shows up on Taya’s doorstep with a wine bottle. I’m not sure if the visit is completely unexpected since Taya asks Shauna if she’s ready to cum. “All over your fucking face, biatch!” she says. Well. The two trade insults like “slut” and “whore” before Shauna comes inside to discuss the state of Taya’s relationship with Mickey G. which Taya herself describes as being “static as AM radio.” Shauna consoles Taya with a short embrace and Taya sneaks in a kiss, which she apologizes for. Shauna insists she shouldn’t be sorry and kisses Taya back.
Scene Three Rating:
6.75
Scene Four -
Taya and Shauna Banks "A Whole New You"
Taya undoes Shauna’s top and pours the vino over her exposed breasts. Banks gets Taya out of her top and kisses her perky tits as well. Suddenly we cut to Taya on the kitchen counter, looking happier than she has the entire movie thus far, pinching her nipples and writhing with pleasure, while Shauna licks and fingers her snatch. So this is what we needed to see some life out of Taya, another PUSSY in the vicinity. I knew it! Shauna’s face reminds me of Whitney Wonders for some reason. Banks takes her place on the counter top while Taya peppers her body with small nibbles and kisses. She parts Shauna’s thighs and believe me when I tell you that what she finds almost made me think Banks was a tranny. Her pussy lips are extended out and swollen so far…Jesus. Her clit and hood rival Vanessa Del Rio’s for size, easily. Taya seems to like sucking that better than she did Mickey’s dick, though. Taya shows more enthusiasm here than anywhere else, talking (“You’re my bitch!”), making faces and generally just looking overall more pleased than when she was paired with a cock. The two ladies kiss as we fade out.
Mickey comes home for dinner to find Taya dressed up and looking amazing. She says she’s going out and she might be home late. When Mickey asks what’s going on, she gets an attitude and blows up at him. She says her “life” is what’s going on and she’s getting back to it. Weeeelll, excuuuuuuse me! She storms out and Mickey is left looking legitimately confuzzled. Taya meets Shauna at a bar that looks every bit like the back room that Jodie Foster got raped in during the climax of “The Accused.” Shauna is sitting with Steve French and she introduces Taya to him. Taya lifts her skirt to show off her black lace panties for some unbeknownst reason and Shauna runs her fingers over Taya’s pussy. She then takes those fingers and puts them in French’s mouth. At home, Mickey eats a frozen TV dinner and looks at old Polaroids of him and Taya in happier times. He finds an old videotape and puts it in the VCR. It’s Taya lying naked on the bed. Taya, meanwhile, is drinking it up with French and Shauna Banks, making lewd remarks and dirty toasts.
Scene Four Rating:
5.75
Scene Five - Taya and Shauna
Banks
plus one guy (Steve French) "My Favorite Boy Toy"
It’s not long before Shauna and French are in a hotel room somewhere making out on the bed, while, guess what? Taya watches and plays with herself while sitting in a chair across the room! NO! (insert gasp here) I’m as shocked as you are. Yeah, Taya is getting all hot and bothered over there watching Shauna suck cock. Taya’s so horny she actually takes all her clothes off except for her underwear. Banks swallows French’s cock while Taya smacks at her clit and pinches her nipples, again with faces that say she’s probably more into watching a dick in action than being in action WITH a dick. As Taya plays with herself, she notices a man’s watch on the floor beside the bed. At this point, the viewer likely thinks it belongs to Steve French and that there’s nothing abnormal about it being on the floor; the rest of his clothes are there, too. But via flashback we are shown that it isn’t French’s watch at all, but rather her husband Mickey G’s. This is the same room he fucked that stripper in! Way to “play fair” with the audience, Pussyman, not to mention come up with an excuse to use the same set twice. In another flashback, we see Mickey G asking Taya at home has she seen his watching lying around. Maybe if we had seen this earlier, the viewer wouldn’t feel cheated and they would’ve put the mystery together themselves when Taya spies the watch on the floor. It would’ve had an equal impact. When Taya does the math, she decides that one good turn deserves another and let’s French fuck her doggie (multiple angles available) until he cums on her ass.
Taya returns home to find Mickey asleep on the sofa. She sees the Polaroids he was riffling through and plays the videotape of them having sex he was watching. Mickey awakes and they watch in silence together for a moment before Taya produces Mickey’s “lost” watch. She puts it on his wrist and they hug, all sins forgiven, I suppose.
Scene Five Rating:
5.00Everything Else
Where this DVD shines is the extras and supplements. The “Positions Room” is rather self-explanatory; it takes you directly to the scenes in the movie where blowjobs, pussy eating, doggie, missionary, reverse cowgirl, and cumshots are available.
In the “Vivid Girl Extras” you get a short bio for Taya and five bonus sex scenes. The first features a young 18-year-old Taya and Julian St. Jox (who for some reason has his face pixilated to obscure it) in Color Blind #8. They’re screwing in the back of a van and the director, Robbie D. keeps referring to St. Jox as a newcomer even though he’s been around the business for longer than I’ve probably been alive. Taya rides Julian like a beast in reverse cowgirl and then cowgirl, making me wonder what the fuck happens to chicks once they secure a contract. The van is a’rockin’ and Taya’s just as energetic getting boned doggie until St. Jox blows a weak load on her chest. I can see the potential, but I still don’t see “Vivid Contract” written on Tiffany Mason just yet.
Scene Two is from Lube Job and features Taya and Chris Cannon. There’s cheesy mood music, candles burning and corny close-up reaction shots of the participants, so you know what to expect here. The third scene is also from Lube Job and this time Taya fucks Ben English. Ben doesn’t play that Vivid shit and won’t be denied as he fucks the light-skinned stunner from Phoenix, Arizona five ways from Sunday until he cums on her tits. Miko Lee and Joey Ray’s scene from Liquid Sex are included for some reason in the fourth available scene. The last scene has big-breasted Monica Mendez doing a short but awesome tease in a chainmail dress before Isabella and Teanna Kai do the girl/girl thing on a balcony in Girl World With Cassidey #3. That’s basically two scenes-in-one. Something for everyone here in the “Vivid Girl Extras” section, as you can see.
From there we have the “Bonus Room” which has automated Taya and Teanna Kai galleries and a ten minute Behind The Scenes portion that features footage of the crew filming the footage that was included in the feature. You get to see the stars horse around on the set, talk about the movie, take still photographs and receive direction during production for all five segments. Internet ads and phone sex ads featuring Devon, Cheyenne Silver, Heather Hunter, Julie Meadows and others round out the extras, although the phone sex ads play automatically at the start of the disc anyway.
Last Word & Final Tally
After headlining such Vivid productions as Taya’s Tales, Gloves Off, Lube Job, Vivid Games and Extreme Close Up: Taya, Vivid Girl Taya is no longer a Vivid Girl, opting not to re-sign with Hirsch after her one-year contract expired. With outings like this, it’s no wonder both sides likely didn’t pursue to further their relationship. Taya wasn’t given a decent budget, cast nor material to work with here worthy of a contract star. She also, for her part, didn’t turn in a performance worthy of making Vivid want to invest in her any more than they had to or give them any incentive to have her headline any more features. The former Tiffany Mason has a history of short-lived contracts however, beginning with Patrick Collins and Elegant Angel a few years ago, so it should come as no surprise. At 18, a young and lanky Tiffany Mason came into this business with a twinkle in her eye and dreams of superstardom. A short time later, the lithe black beauty had become the first African-American star signed to Vivid since the great Heather Hunter. Now at 20, it has all come to an end. Too bad it was with a whimper rather than an actual “bang.”
This reminded me of every sub par, clichéd and all-around bad late ‘70’s/early ‘80s adult movie I’ve ever seen except it actually managed to be worse somehow. Recommended for Tiffany Mason completists (especially for the semi-career retrospective included in the extras); everyone else should steer clear.
New (Experimental) SRR Rating Method:
Sexual Content Ratings (weighted 2x):
5.82
Production Ratings (weighted 1x): 5.33
Dialog/Story/Script: 5.00, Costumes/Clothing: 5.00,
Location: 6.00
Technical Ratings (weighted 1x): 8.37
Camerawork: 7.50, Video Quality: 8.00, Audio Quality:
8.00, DVD Extras: 10.00
Overall Rating: 6.33 out of 10.00
-- Crucifixio Jones
Second Opinion?
No other reviews of this title on the web are known. If you find one, please send an e-mail to Snowman!
Review Date: 12.17.2003
Other Suggestions & Comments
On 12.17.03, the average price for this dvd was $21.30 based on 15 online retailers.
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